Do you remember what it was like to be 19? I mean do you really remember what you were thinking about? How you were feeling? What you hoped for? What made you nervous? For me and for many others, we struggle to remember what it was like to be 13, 19, 27, even just a few years ago. Likewise, it’s hard to relate to someone older than us, or with different lived experiences. I will never really understand what it’s like to give birth, to carry a child and thousands of other experiences. I can imagine it, but that’s not easy either. Many experiences that shape us are an IYKYK kinda thing.
Remember the last time you went for a walk or drove your car? I often walk my dog around my neighborhood and I often drive around my neighborhood back and forth from errands and work. When I am walking, most cars are driving way too fast. I am often baffled at how close a car comes to me while walking, or how fast it is going. When I am driving I notice walkers or kids on bikes or scooters in my neighborhood. I think, geez why are they in the road so much or why is their dog on such a long leash. It’s weird in that moment I struggle to remember that I too walk my dog and like to walk on the street. Why is it so hard to put ourselves in someone elses perspective? I love the thought experiment of being late for a work meeting. When I am late, I know all the reasons why: My car wouldn’t start, there was extra traffic and road construction, I had to let my elder dog out and he needed more time for his morning walk and my kiddo was extra when she missed the bus and on and on and on. I know all of these things and so when I am late, I can easily excuse it. But when someone else is late, we don’t have that knowledge and it takes practice and shifts in mindsets to give that grace to others. but when you do take a moment, assume the best and try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, we can quickly find kindness will both make our interaction and life more enjoyable and the same for those around us.
The main point Hypothesis – Increased empathy will make our world safer and more humane for us, our families and deserving strangers alike.
The evidence is clear and abundant.
“Empathic Concern—feeling compassionate care and concern for suffering others—and Perspective Taking—taking viewpoints of suffering individuals—were associated with a greater tendency to help others in daily life.” (https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-025-87221-2 Source)
In empathy, the empathizer (1) understands, (2) feels, and (3) shares another person’s world (4) with self-other differentiation. (Patient Education and Counseling Volume 104, Issue 2, February 2021, Pages 300-307)
You know the saying “being mad at that person affects you more than them”. So let it go. Forgiveness i.e. grace towards those you love and strangers alike, is actually better for you too. Real grace…
why is it so hard?
Increased empathy, love and understanding will lead to actions that improve our world. With increased empathy people will choose to deescalate, to listen, to be kind and to share resources.